Calling All You Assholes

If you have hate in your heart let it out.  Email me any violent or angry thoughts at ptownsen@gmail.com and I just may put them up for the world to see and adore.

Am I the only person in the world who thinks babies are effing ugly?  I mean come on.  How can people go around saying that babies are so cute and adorable?  Puppies are cute and adorable.  Pornstars are cute and adorable.  Babies are gross.  They spit up, they smell, they wear their own shit until someone with the constitution to change them to does so.  They’re usually bald, and all sorts of bulbous.  They keep you all night with their constant wailing.  Admit it, sometimes you’ve had to fight the urge to see how far you can drop kick a baby.

And while we’re on the topic of babies, how come MILFs never breastfeed in public?  It’s always the ugly, heinous new moms that are ready to rip out that teet and bare it to the world.  What an effing sham.  There needs to be some sort of committee about this.  We need 3 categories of moms:

-moms who MUST breastfeed in public, naturally these are the smokin hot moms
-moms who CAN breastfeed in public, these are good lookin women, but nothing you’d pay 8 bucks to see on the big screen
-moms who ABSOLUTELY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE CAN EVER EVER EVER WHIP OUT A BOOB IN PUBLIC, sadly, this is an overrepresented category with many of these women not adhering to the rule.  I seek the death penalty, who is with me?

Yes, this is what I spend my day thinking about.

Get back to work, unless you’re unemployed.  If you’re unemployed I suggest you do what your parents did…GET A JOB SIR.

ptown