More Things That Piss Me Off

The following are a listing of more things that drive me bat shit crazy.  No more intro needed.

1. The “That’s Great, Now What Can You Do About…” ads posted on the MTA subways.
Hey shitbricks, I got an ad for you, it’s called the “$10 back when you spend $100 on a metrocard? That’s great, now what can you do about the rampant stupidity and lack of common sense that the MTA displays on a daily basis?”  Honestly, the subway system in NYC is amazing, when it is working properly.  Let’s repeat that so it sets in: WHEN IT’S WORKING PROPERLY.  It almost never is working properly.  At almost every station you see signs indicating when 1 or more lines that run through that station will be down.  For instance, the 7 line is down/extremely limited on weekends right now.  Here’s an idea, run the 7 through the winter when it’s fucking -325,423 degrees outside so those poor Queens inhabitants don’t have to walk 19 blocks to the E, the only other subway that doesn’t run along the north of Queens that will actually stop in Manhattan.  Why not run the 7 in the winter and limit the running of Q, R, and/or W?  Guaranteed all these lines need work, the N will still run along basically the same line, and if it doesn’t, another comparable subway is no more than 3 blocks away at any given time.  Employ some fucking sense for Christ’s sake and make these decisions before you snort coke cut with baking soda through a 15 year old $1 bill off a urinal at the Atlantic Terminal Station.

2. Apparently, yesterday was National Wear Leggings to Law School day.  Fuck that.  It’s goddamn unacceptable. I don’t care if you’re Megan fucking Fox.  If you wanna wear leggings, wear a skirt/kilt/pants/trashbag/aborted fetal skin over your fucking leggings.  It isn’t flattering. Period. Fact. Truth.  And now listen, it isn’t that people like me are against skin tight clothing, but beauty is about proportions, and when you are wearing skin tight leggings, and a baggy sweat shirt or jacket, you look like the Kool-Aid Pitcher.  Nobody wants to bang the Kool-Aid pitcher, except maybe that Tang Monkey, or Clinton, he fucks anything ugly. You wanna show off a great ass?  Wear tight jeans, it’s way better.  Also, to the one girl who were leggings with heels yesterday, I hope someone shits in your orange mocha frappuccino tonight, seriously.

3. Get an umbrella that is the appropriate size for your person.  Listen up shitbricks, if you’re an anorexic homeless streetwalker who’ll suck the bolts off a fire hydrant for a ten spot, you don’t need an umbrella that could cover a ’72 deuce and a quarter.  I realize when the weather is shitty you wanna stay dry.  Great.  Me too.  But A) I have an umbrella that keeps me dry without bumping the governor of Maine while I walk down the streets of Crooklyn, so you can too, and B) if I get within a reasonable distance of someone else, I LIFT THE UMBRELLA UP SO IT DOESN’T POKE THEIR FUCKING EYE OUT.  Inconsiderate people make me sick.  I can’t even count the number of times yesterday alone that I was walking to school that i had to artfully dodge or duck because some schmuck swung their umbrella right at my ocular cavity with no fucking idea what he was doing.  I simply cannot believe people are so fucking clueless that their extremities can potentially result in cycloptism.  Wake up numnuts,  show a little decency to the common man, I realize you’re focusing on holding up your jeans which are 5x too large with a belt on that’s 4x too large and a sweatshirt you’re trying to keep from dragging on the ground while talking on a cell phone you just bought from a guy who said he found it on the sidewalk though the banner clearly reads “Rashonda’s Phone :)”  How’s that resume coming along you herpes magnet?

4. And a special fuck you to the guy outside the post office yesterday.  It’s been a while [read: at least a week] since I’ve been struck by how unabashedly rude and uncivilized random people in this city can be (I realize this can be the case anywhere, as many of my friends point out about the great city of Philadelphia, but if you disagree leave me a comment so I can dedicate a post to you’re lunacy), but this guy really takes the cake for me.  This is what happened, without any of the usual exaggerations because, honestly, I don’t even need to.  I go to the post office to mail 2 letters, and walk out with my ipod on, there is a guy about 20 feet away from me staring at me, looking very lost, no one else is around.  I have to walk right by him.  He stares at me, looking still very confused the whole time I approach, as I’m walking by he doesn’t cut eye contact so I decide to see if i can help, this is what ensued…
ME – “Hi, you look like you’re looking for something, is there anything I can help you find?”
DOUCHY McDOUCHEFACE – “Did I fucking say a word to you, asshole?”
ME – “Oh my mistake, I thought you were a human being, my apologies.”

At this point i was prepared to be done with him, he is a blight on society, but he didn’t wanna let it go, I guess he didn’t count on me being able to formulate more than 2 sentences…

DDF – “What kinda asshole goes around asking people if he can help them?” (seriously, he thought this was a bad thing.) “What the hell is wrong with you? I don’t want or need your fucking help, I can do anything I need to on my own.”

At this point i kinda felt bad for the guy so I wasn’t gonna go off on him, though at this point he already did deserve what was coming.

ME – “I just thought you looked like you were looking for something, I’m familiar with the area, I thought I’d save you some trouble, if you don’t need it, you don’t need it, you don’t need to be nasty about it, have a good one.” [Starts to walk away]
DDF – “Hey I’m not done with you, you asshole.  You don’t talk to me like that and then just walk away.  I fucking hate people like you, think you’re so much better than everyone” (okay he was right on the money with that one) “and that no one can do anything without your help.  You fucking kids have no respect, no decency, I’m gonna fucking tell you something kid, you’re a fucking loser, I wasn’t talking to you, don’t fucking talk to me, you’re a nosy little punk, and you haven’t got anything better to do than go around harassing the elderly do you?”

Naturally this really angered me, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I cannot promise that the following is word for word what I said, but I will recount it the best I can remember.

ME – “You’re so right, sir, so right, how DARE I go around and try to help people that look lost.  Listen up you old asshole, you probably live alone because you have no friends because you’ve bitterly pushed away anyone that ever cared about you.  You probably live off taxpayers money and feel some sort of entitlement because you’re old. Respect is earned, it isn’t given.  I can’t stand people who feel that they’re owed something from other people simply because they exist.  In this world, people aren’t valued because they’ve reached the age of retirement.  Also their bitterness isn’t an indicator of how much deference they should be given.  Have a good life, and try not to spread your misery to anyone else who doesn’t deserve it today.”

He stuttered.  I walked away. Victory was mine.

I will try to be better about keeping the updates more frequent.  I didn’t realize people would actually care. Get a life losers,

Ptown